Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize