Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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