When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
