he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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