Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
