there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
