You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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