I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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