Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
