we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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