Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
