I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize