I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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