i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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