Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize