Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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