they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
