did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
