Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my poor anus
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize