That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
