i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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