It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
