I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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