Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
