woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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