Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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