Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
