he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
