I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
