fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
