If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize