I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
