the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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