there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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