We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
