Its about making memories worth repressing
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
