Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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