Are we in a gay sports bar?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize