some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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