I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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