my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
