Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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