Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
