i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
