Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
