fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
