Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
