Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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