well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
