You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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