I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
