he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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