From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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