my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize