Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
