NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
