I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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