this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
