and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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