i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will pee on everything he values.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
