I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
