who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
