I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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