He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
