Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
