you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I want to fling myself into the sun
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize