Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
