He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
