id be glad to
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
