Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
