Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are we still banned from the library?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
