I looked at my own cervix.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
