I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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