That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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