I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
