i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
