She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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