Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
