she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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